I am Sorry.

Hi everyone,

After a long time of processing my crazy and messy thoughts and I’m still am btw, but, here I am. Trying to let God help me to fix it one by one 🙂
I’ve been struggling with a lot of things and I’ve been searching for some answers and I guess today is the day. Today is the day where I start to find myself in a place where I need to be and a person I need to become.

These past years besides of struggling with study and everything, I’ve been facing a daily struggle with my identity and acceptance that made me focusing on pleasing everyone else rather than caring for my own being. You know, I have always been struggling with insecurity for my whole life, and even though I am improving a lot, some part of me, is still struggling. As much as I don’t want to compare myself with everyone else, I still do and it’s not doing any good for me. Before anything else, I would like to tell you that this post will be focusing on my social media life. Social media has a big part of my life in a order to building relationship with my friends and family around the world since I live far away. I also used social media to share my thoughts and hope that it can give a positive influence to people who read it. So as you guys can tell, I spent a lot of time on social media. Now, the issue builds up from my social media life and it quickly affecting my real, real life. I don’t know if I say it right but hope it make sense.
I know I haven’t been really open to you guys through this particular platform because I am scared. I am scared that people not gonna agree or like with what I am gonna say. I feel I’m not good enough. To have a broader and easier view, I will give you an example of the case – Instagram. I love Instagram and I love photography so much. But, I realised that this whole time I’ve been doing it wrong. Sometimes I didn’t post photos that I want to post for the sake of pretty Instagram theme. There are also times where I feel bad and pressured if I didn’t post a photo for a long time. Sometimes I have to write a caption that great enough to get people attention. Also, the thoughts like “will people like this photos?, how many likes that I got today” and, etc. Gosh, all of those are doing nothing good than ruined my life. It’s not a social media’s fault, but I know it is my perceptions towards and how I use it that cause a problem for me. Other example is – my blog – there are so many things that I really want to address here but I am too scared of what people think and again, the thoughts of people will ended up not liking what I says is terrifying. So instead of post something that I really want, I ended up posting something else or not posting anything.
And finally, after all of those effort to please everyone and keep everyone’s feeling, I finally got tired and feel so worn out. I know if I keep doing this, I will be totally crushed.

Too much things to understand? okay, let me sum this up for you. My point is, I’ve been focusing on the outside and lose focus on the inside. I focus on pleasing everyone and get annoyed because sometimes, I am too scared to discuss something that actually really matters to me. Hence, I found myself lost in the middle of this chaos, and before it’s too late, I really need to get out and live a “healthy” life. As my husband told me, social media is a part of life, it’s a place where you share your life, it is NOT your life. Well, He got a husband point 🙂

For those who want to laugh at me, you’re more than welcome to do it. For my readers and followers, I am sorry for ever letting you down. I will be better. For those of you who still believed in me, thank you so much. Your supports, prayers and your loves keeps me going. So once again, thank you.

2017, I simply want to be better. I want to be braver to say what I need to say, even it may ended up offend or disappointing some people. I can’t please everyone, right? 🙂 So on this coming days, I will start to open up to you guys more, because as you know I live far away, and somehow this blog and social media may be the only place where we can actually stay connected. I will start to share my thoughts and my life more open to you. God has given me thoughts and voice to speak and the time when I need to speak, I will speak up. It has always been my passion to help people, especially the young. I always love talking to them and listen to their stories, and maybe through my platforms and my authenticity, I may be able to reach out one or two hearts somewhere in the world 🙂 As for Instagram and my blog, I will use you better.

Other than that, Thank you for reading. I love all of you guys so much.
I wish you the happiest day ever.

Sincerely
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P.s I am off Facebook, FB messenger, Path, Twitter and Snapchat, for some period of time. So if you see this post on my Facebook, it’s because it linked automatically to my FB profile. If you need to contact me, you can send me an email: sincerelystefie@gmail.com (I used email a lot) :))

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9 Comments Add yours

  1. Wa Ode Ruby says:

    I feel the same way too with those thought “how many likes will i get on instagram” LOL i feel you phy.. 😂.. and don’t be scared to shared ur thought.. because nobody perfect 😁😁. Keep up the good work!💪💪👍👍❤ Nice blog phy!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. stefieamsrud says:

      Thank you so much for reading mamahhhh! 🙂 Your support really means a lot to me! You too mahhh 💕

      Like

  2. Aaaaak, iya bangeeet kaaak. Dulu juga aku gitu. Kita yg kudu ngambil kontrol si sosmed bukan sebaliknya. Mangaaaat Kaaaak Stef 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. stefieamsrud says:

      Iyah Nian 🙂 Makasih yah buat supportnya 💕 Hope you’re doing well! xx

      Like

  3. l.sastri says:

    You are a wonderful person from what I know reading your blogs. Our personal identity is a fluid thung, it keeps on changing as we learned and go on in life. We grow without having to lose our self, because our real identity is in our heavenly Father. You are loved Stefie! ❤
    Thank you sharing your heart. God bless you sister.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. stefieamsrud says:

      Ka sastri! It’s so true about the fluid thing 🙂 I feel that way! Thank you so much for your amazing and encouraging words. Means a lot to hear it from you. Hope you have an amazing day! xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. l.sastri says:

        You’re very welcome dear!! Take care!Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Gracey says:

    Dear Kak Stefie,

    I had the same situation too back then in 2015-2016 and as a result, I quitted Path forever; knowing that it is the most trashy source to build my virtual image since I was constantly checking and comparing other’s highlight of the day with my daily boring life. Surprisingly I felt good afterwards even though my friends were complaining to me at the beginning simply cos they are not able to tag me on Path -_- but I ignore them and living my life. Same funny thing goes to Instagram, little did I know the person who I mostly compare myself to turns out to be the most fake person. Well… I guess I should learn a lot to not waste my time on someone’s camouflage. Sometimes we often mistaken Instagram with real life, forgetting that you couldn’t edit and delete it. Nevertheless, I love how you are sharing it Kak. Don’t stop writing and do social media detox is the best way to recover! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. stefieamsrud says:

      Hi Gracey 🙂 It’s so nice to hear this from you… Thank you so much for sharing :)) Yeah, same with me, I quit Path forever I guess. and You know, It’s true that Instagram is the place where people actually post the most amazing thing that happened in their life, no one really know the real person behind social media. Crazy to think but it’s true.. hah!
      I am really on the process of detoxing myself I guess and I’m grateful for that 🙂

      Btw, I am happy to hear that you get over it. Once again thank you so much for reaching out and share this to me. You have no idea how much it means to me, Grace 🙂 Have the best day, lovely! xx

      Like

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