After a long time of processing my crazy and messy thoughts and I’m still am btw, but, here I am. Trying to let God help me to fix it one by one 🙂
I’ve been struggling with a lot of things and I’ve been searching for some answers and I guess today is the day. Today is the day where I start to find myself in a place where I need to be and a person I need to become.
These past years besides of struggling with study and everything, I’ve been facing a daily struggle with my identity and acceptance that made me focusing on pleasing everyone else rather than caring for my own being. You know, I have always been struggling with insecurity for my whole life, and even though I am improving a lot, some part of me, is still struggling. As much as I don’t want to compare myself with everyone else, I still do and it’s not doing any good for me. Before anything else, I would like to tell you that this post will be focusing on my social media life. Social media has a big part of my life in a order to building relationship with my friends and family around the world since I live far away. I also used social media to share my thoughts and hope that it can give a positive influence to people who read it. So as you guys can tell, I spent a lot of time on social media. Now, the issue builds up from my social media life and it quickly affecting my real, real life. I don’t know if I say it right but hope it make sense.
I know I haven’t been really open to you guys through this particular platform because I am scared. I am scared that people not gonna agree or like with what I am gonna say. I feel I’m not good enough. To have a broader and easier view, I will give you an example of the case – Instagram. I love Instagram and I love photography so much. But, I realised that this whole time I’ve been doing it wrong. Sometimes I didn’t post photos that I want to post for the sake of pretty Instagram theme. There are also times where I feel bad and pressured if I didn’t post a photo for a long time. Sometimes I have to write a caption that great enough to get people attention. Also, the thoughts like “will people like this photos?, how many likes that I got today” and, etc. Gosh, all of those are doing nothing good than ruined my life. It’s not a social media’s fault, but I know it is my perceptions towards and how I use it that cause a problem for me. Other example is – my blog – there are so many things that I really want to address here but I am too scared of what people think and again, the thoughts of people will ended up not liking what I says is terrifying. So instead of post something that I really want, I ended up posting something else or not posting anything.
And finally, after all of those effort to please everyone and keep everyone’s feeling, I finally got tired and feel so worn out. I know if I keep doing this, I will be totally crushed.
Too much things to understand? okay, let me sum this up for you. My point is, I’ve been focusing on the outside and lose focus on the inside. I focus on pleasing everyone and get annoyed because sometimes, I am too scared to discuss something that actually really matters to me. Hence, I found myself lost in the middle of this chaos, and before it’s too late, I really need to get out and live a “healthy” life. As my husband told me, social media is a part of life, it’s a place where you share your life, it is NOT your life. Well, He got a husband point 🙂
For those who want to laugh at me, you’re more than welcome to do it. For my readers and followers, I am sorry for ever letting you down. I will be better. For those of you who still believed in me, thank you so much. Your supports, prayers and your loves keeps me going. So once again, thank you.
2017, I simply want to be better. I want to be braver to say what I need to say, even it may ended up offend or disappointing some people. I can’t please everyone, right? 🙂 So on this coming days, I will start to open up to you guys more, because as you know I live far away, and somehow this blog and social media may be the only place where we can actually stay connected. I will start to share my thoughts and my life more open to you. God has given me thoughts and voice to speak and the time when I need to speak, I will speak up. It has always been my passion to help people, especially the young. I always love talking to them and listen to their stories, and maybe through my platforms and my authenticity, I may be able to reach out one or two hearts somewhere in the world 🙂 As for Instagram and my blog, I will use you better.
Other than that, Thank you for reading. I love all of you guys so much.
I wish you the happiest day ever.
P.s I am off Facebook, FB messenger, Path, Twitter and Snapchat, for some period of time. So if you see this post on my Facebook, it’s because it linked automatically to my FB profile. If you need to contact me, you can send me an email: firstname.lastname@example.org (I used email a lot) :))