Today, I honestly just want to share my life with you guys.
It will be a heart to heart kinda post, so yes, it will be a lot of feelings and emotions.
I will write this post in English, and if my grammar is not good and have tons of mistakes, I am sorry. I hope you understand that English is my second language, but I promise I will try my best 🙂
In this post, I’m gonna share about My relationship with God and me.
First, if you don’t know, I believe in Jesus. But I didn’t really get the word “believe” until probably 5-6 years ago. But basically, I was born as a Christian kid, raised in a Christian family, go to church every Sunday and served at Sunday School and teens church. At that time, going to church and serving in the Church is more like a responsibility as a Christian girl, rather than act of love to God. It is actually crazy to think how I served in the church all of my childhood life and yet that time I didn’t know know who Jesus really is. Don’t get me wrong, since I was a kid, my parents always take me to Sunday School and I grew up in a church environment as well, so yes, I know Jesus is God. I know Jesus can do miracle things and do a lot of great things. I heard a lot of amazing stories of Jesus and how good He is and how He loves me. I was reading my bible too, however, that time I feel like I still didn’t know know Him. But I kept doing my “routine” as a Christian girl. Please don’t take me wrongly, I am so so grateful for these people because if it wasn’t for them, I won’t know who Jesus is. I probably won’t seek Him and curious about Him. But as I grew up, I feel the need of knowing and experiencing this wonderful God in my life and through my life.
Long story short, in the beginning of my twenties, I started to face some tough situations. To be honest, most of the time I never know what to do.
I can’t really tell you in details what has been happening, but one thing that I can tell you, I lost counts of how many times I kneel down and scream my heart out to God. I lost counts of how many times I come before Him and didn’t say anything but cry. It was too much and I just could not take it by myself. I worried way too much. I was so afraid and felt so lost. I lost my hope, I felt so empty, and I felt stuck. There were even times that I just stopped praying. Uugghh, it was not a very nice feelings at all.
God ALWAYS came through.
He is faithful and He keeps His promises. Even when I stopped praying for something, He never forget my prayers. He answered my prayers and He gave me more than I ever asked for. When He said yes, He gave it to me. However, His answers not always yes. When He says “no”, it hurts at that time but He replace it with something million times better. There are also times that I feel like He didn’t say anything, and this was the hardest. Because it required me to keep my faith and really trust Him with everything. Again I say, this is not easy. But, it made me lean more on Him.
You know what? No matter what answers He will give, one thing remains, He is still God and He always knows the best for me 🙂
It wasn’t an easy road and It might sound crazy, but looking back at where I was then and where I am now, I can say that I am so grateful that I got to be in that situations, because those hard times made me know Jesus personally, not only through people’s experiences and stories. How can I love someone if I don’t really know that person and never have any conversation with Him at all? I need to do life with Jesus to be able to know Him and love Him more. Of course, I did not get to know Jesus only from the tough times, but somehow those rough roads brought me closer to Him.
You may ask, Did God created those issues for me? Here’s what I believe, God is not a bad God who created that negative situation so that I can come to Him. The sad truth is we live in a broken world where people do crazy things that hurts other people, and bad things do happen to good people. The world is messy because of our mistakes, my mistakes. It is not because of God created a broken world. He is a good God that love us so much and it is never His intention to hurt us. Never. In fact, He picked up the mess I’ve made and create a great ending for me. How Good is He? Seriously.
Now I’m 27 years old, and I can surely tell you that my life is not always full of rainbows and raining confetti. I am just a human who live in this broken world. In this world, storms come and go, sometimes it hits me soft, sometimes it hits me hard and tossed me around. But I learned that my response towards the storm is what’s important. I can choose to be like an eagle or I can choose to let the storm crush my bones.
There are lots of things in my life that I still need to work on, and I know as long as I live, God will never stop working on me. Because I’m human, I still make mistakes. I am not perfect and will never be.
But I learned that there’s someone that is greater than any storm that ever hit the world. There’s someone who never sleep and always watching over me. There is someone who is perfectly perfect and His name is Jesus and He is my God. This God is the same God who created heaven and earth. He is the same God who breathed the stars and know every single one of them by name. He is the same God who knitted me in my mother’s womb. He is the same God who helped me then and who will help me now and for the rest of my life. This God always there for me every single time I cry and scream for help, He listens and He always came through. This God is madly in love with me more than anyone ever loved me. This God always fight the battle for me and always protect me. He will never let me get hungry and never let me get thirsty. This God knows the exact amount of my hair. He is the one who painted the sky that burst in colors just to put a smile on my face. He is the one who always reaching out for me when I feel stuck. He is the one who will always open His arms and hold me so close. He is the beginning and the end. He is my healer. He died for me and paid for my sin. But, it did not stop there, He rose and conquered death.
I know that as long as I live in this world, I will never be free from the battles. But I know who will face the battle for me and As long as I have Jesus, that is all I ever need 🙂
“Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” // 2 Corinthians 12:9-11//
Thank you for taking your time to hear my story. I wish you a very blessed day.